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Inspired from above, I have made some projections of future events for 2005,
which I now want to share with my readers in the interest of getting the new
year off to a good start by preparing you for things to come. When they happen,
you won't be surprised.
The first prediction is easy. Senator Byrd will continue to speak at length
when the Senate is in session and will go on and go on and go onnnn. Senators
Durbin and Dorgan will also rack up the minutes. In the end they will be
found to have subtracted from the sum of human understanding. C-Span will lug, I
mean "carry", it all.
A new Senator, Mr.Barama, has made all lefties' hearts beat like a hammer.
See Newsweek for more about him. They have compared him to the rising sun and
the Aurora Borealis.
Bernard Kerik will not, as rumored, be denied a post in the new
administration. He will be one of the guys in the sunglasses with the little receiver
stuck in his ear.
Tax cuts will stay in place. They have to. The most successful enterprise
producing jobs in this country for the last half-century has been Microsoft,
which is the same as saying Silicon Valley and the computer industry. Where did
the money come from to create this business and these jobs? Not from
government. It came from the banks. Private money, in other words. Tax cuts mean
that there will be more of this money to produce like results.
But what about the government deficit? Well, what about it? It wasn't
created doing the necessary jobs like paying the army and navy and the like. It
comes from discretionary investment in boondoggles like Head Start, Fannie Mae,
Amtrak, welfare and such. Eliminate them and you'll have no deficit. Keep
them going and they will suck up the money needed by the banks to finance the
idea people who create jobs. If Uncle Sam can't bring himself to tighten his
belt and the deficit persists, I'd rather let that happen than increase the
private deficits which suck the life out of the economy.
Enough. Now back to less cosmic predictions. The first one that I have to
make is that Randy Johnson will definitely win some games for the Yankees.
Barry Bonds, getting stronger as he gets older, will add a little variety to
his act by hitting all his home runs with one hand. He's practically been
doing that already, if you haven't noticed.
Donald Trump will give up the world to enter a monastery where he will be
free from the pressures of business and publicity and public appearances and can
spend his time in meditation. Incredible, you say? What have I been smoking,
you say? Listen, if you owed as much as he does, you wouldn't find it
incredible at all.
The trial of the Enron executives will begin in the spring. It is not
expected to last any longer than the trial of Warren Hastings, which only took seven
years.
The next atrocity story from Iraq will be a real shocker. Another soldier
will be caught smoking to calm his nerves after a bomb attack. The first one
caught blew the minds of the anti-smoke crowd. They bombarded the army with
demands that he be placed in therapy, be isolated from other troops, get
counseling, be reprimanded, everything short of a court-martial, and some of them
didn't rule that out. The bomb attack was never mentioned.
These are the same people who are now pressuring Hollywood to edit out
smoking scenes from movies new and old. "Casablanca" will be turned into "Little
Women". History is also to be rewritten to conceal such facts as George
Washington paying the French for guns with tobacco and actually growing the stuff
himself. He was also a secret smoker, like everybody is today.
This just in: Colin Powell, in spite of many invitations to follow the lead
of Bob Dole, will not endorse Viagra. Bill Clinton will. Keep it around
"just in case" will be his pitch.
Rudy Giuliani is moving to Utah, where he will enjoy the company of his new
wife, and also that of his two ex-wives, with maybe more to come. He is
expected to be nominated for Governor at an early date.
David Brooks of the New York Times has discovered a new movement called
"natalism" which is catching on in the red states. It promotes the creation of
large families, along with good parenting practices. Sounds all right. I'm not
eligible to join any more, but I did my bit before there was any organization
to lean on. We didn't call what we were doing "natalism" but "fatalism" was a
word we used a lot.
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