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I truly enjoy a hearing.
I started with McCarthy -- who could forget?
Or how Estes Kefauver pursued with such fervor
The career of each Mafia cadet.
Characters -- you could use ’em in a series
Only no one’d believe they existed
Like Halley and Tobey with queries
Why Costello’s temptations weren’t resisted.
Why Frankie had manners so winning
And such a sense of his public relations
That nobody thought it was sinning
To accept of his kind invitations.
They’d knock on his door on the fortieth floor,
He’d a view that was truly entoicing.
Then they left with some bucks from his duplex deluxe
And went on their way rejoicing.
Watergate -- well it kept me up late
Like one on an emotional seesaw
With Senator Ervin and his accent unnervin’
That got me to thinkin’ of Hee Haw.
And all those poor beggars with a dazed expression
Sent him by Judge Torquemada
Who put them in jail and demanded confession
Of the sins of the Big Enchilada.
Civil liberties fell down in a helpless coma
As he applied his final solution
For which he received an engraved diploma
For his love of the Constitution.
The ’Gate was so great it kept us up late
Like prisoners enduring captivity
For one thing we waited and yet were frustrated
When we heard of no female activity.
It would have been silly in the days of Slick Willy
To complain of this glaring omission
The trail of this lover you could hardly discover
With two boards, three courts, and a Commission.
He kept them all busy and the rest of us dizzy
With a dazzling array of beauties
But it wasn’t all makeout for sometimes he’d break out
For his other Presidential duties.
They tried to impeach him but no one could reach him
And a rally took place in the Rose Garden.
The money it lost him didn’t much cost him
’Cause he made it up with a pardon.
But now that we’ve reached the millennium
And still have all these investigations
Why can’t we have a moratorium
When they so sorely try everyone’s patience?
I give you the present inquiry
Into the September 11th calamity
And why is it the FBI we
Are blaming for this gruesome atrocity?
They had a man in their keeping
Who knew all the facts of the plot
But they couldn’t look in his computer
’Cause the Lawyers said they should not.
They demanded his hard drive be protected
’Cause that was the law’s desire
So his rights were fully respected
…and the Towers went down in fire.
I hope you’ll not think it a contradiction
About this strange condition
That the lady who wrote the restriction
Should be sitting on the Kean Commission.
’Cause after all you’ve gotta admit
The day after the Towers had vanished
We were given the necessary writ
So she did no permanent damage.
So “Let investigation with extensive view
Survey mankind from China to Peru”.
Let us have Boards and Committees and all.
TV from gavel to gavel. Witnesses from wall to wall.
When it’s all over, let’s have another -- we love to see them crawl.
Fiat justitia, ruat caelum. We’ll have justice though the heavens fall!
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