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FEIN AND DANDY ON THE SIDEWALKS OF NEW YORK
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Fein: I heard you met the editor of Vanity Fair.
Dandy: Yeah, I told him that’s a great novel. I love it.
Fein: What’d he say?
Dandy: He acted surprised, but he thanked me.
Fein: Listen, if you meet anybody named Matthew, Mark, Luke
or John, don’t tell them you love their gospels.
Dandy: Oh, I’d never do that.
Fein: I hope not. By the way what do think of us being a
blue state?
Dandy: What’s that about? We’re supposed to be sorry about
something?:
Fein: Well, yeah, the election.
Dandy: Oh, well, sure I’m sorry.
Fein: Then you’re blue.
Dandy: No, I voted red.
Fein: Now I’m blue.
Dandy: Red is Communist, right?
Fein: Hell, no!
Dandy: Nuts. I thought that was how I was voting. You telling
me I wasn’t?
Fein: Red and blue don’t mean what they used to mean anymore.
Dandy: Now I’m blue. I’m in a blue state in a blue state. How’
d the colors get mixed?
Fein: It was the MSM did it.
Dandy: Who are they?
Fein: That’s the Mainstream Media.
Dandy: Oh, I thought it was a movie studio.
Fein: That’s MGM.
Dandy: Whatever.
Fein: Hillary Clinton’s supposed to be happy Kerry lost.
Dandy: I don’t believe it. She’d never let on. She’ll wear
black for a month.
Fein: What, pantsuits? I swear to God she’s a transvestite.
Dandy: No, I hear she’s really a man.
Fein: Now you’ve said something I don’t believe.
Dandy: All I can say is that when Bill Clinton wanted a woman he
didn’t go to her.
Fein: Enough about her. Do you think Kerry will really get a
job playing Herman Munster?
Dandy: No, Don Quixote, the Knight of the Woeful Countenance.
Fein: Just to give this a little balance, have you noticed
Bush’s resemblance to Alfred E. Newman?
Dandy: Not since he won. It wouldn’t be safe.
Fein: Oh, you afraid of Ashcroft?
Dandy: No, but I’m afraid of Bloomberg.
Fein: Why him?
Dandy: Well, if you’re a smoker, he hunts you down like a rat in
a trap.
Fein: He does that, huh?
Dandy: He has no pity. Once he gets on your trail, you’re a lost
man.
Fein: Gee, I thought we were going to spread freedom around
the world.
Dandy: Tell that to Fallujah. I’m heading there, by the way.
Fein: What do you wanna do that for?
Dandy: Listen, they’re all suicide bombers. They don’t give a
damn what you smoke or how much you smoke. A short life but a merry one is
what I say. So long.
Fein: I’ve finally met a man willing to die for his
convictions. Too bad he’s crazy as a horned owl.
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